PipitxLink --Unconditional-- part 3

PipitxLink --Unconditional--

Chapter 3: Conflicted


Pipit’s mother had already run off to work at the village, so the house was dark and quiet when we arrived that evening. It was like any typical house on Skyloft: a large, single room that managed to fit in the kitchen, living room, study/office, and two beds, and then an incredibly tiny room attached to the side that was big enough to squeeze in a small tub and toilet.  Several windows dotted the walls, but with the sun setting into the clouds, there wasn’t much light that the outside world had to offer. The fact that it was HIS house made it impossible for me to walk away from the front door. I bit the insides of my cheeks to keep the giddy smile off my face as I studied the home. I didn't want to get my hopes up about staying there—obviously an excuse would arise, ensuring the abandonment of our newly devised plan—but to be completely honest, I couldn't recall the last time I was in a warm, well lit building, besides that of the Academy.

And I was in HIS house.

As Pipit scrambled around and lit candles and lanterns to banish the dark and welcome light, I could see dust particles get whisked into the air from the tables and floor whenever he walked by something too quickly. As he lit the last candle and blew out the fire-encased twig that he was using, he glanced over at me apologetically. “With me at school, and mom working nights...not a lot of cleaning gets done.”

I stifled a sneeze when several flecks of dust headed for my nose and shook my head instead. “Your home is lovely.” I said quietly from my stationary position by the doorway.

The knight-in-training offered a dashing smile and motioned for me to fully enter the home. When I continued to stand motionless at the doorway, allowing the conflicted emotions I was feeling to rush across my face, he let out a sigh and marched towards me. Grabbing my hand, the boy pulled me into the house, passing the kitchen table, the shelves filled with trinkets, and the desk cluttered with Academy books, until we were standing in the respectable "bedroom". I could feel my hand grow clammy underneath his, and blush swept along my face as I stared at the two beds that were crammed into the tiny living area; there was enough space between the beds to walk through, but that was it. Not only would it be awkward sleeping so close to your mother, it would be so, so incredibly awkward sleeping next to male stranger. I bit my lip and stole a glance up at Pipit, who seemed to come to this conclusion the same moment I did. Scratching the back of his head with his free hand, the boy quickly let go of mine and chuckled. "Not much space in here either. It's funny...I didn't notice how cramped it was in here until just now."

Sensing his sudden tension, I took a step back and shook my head quickly. "I told you that you didn't have to do this."

Pipit widened his eyes and grabbed for my elusive hand again. "No no! Please stay! It'll be alright, won't it? The beds are not that terribly close, right?"

I tried to take another step back, but Pipit's grip on my arm prevented me from doing so. "This was a bad idea." I said, my voice small and filled with shame; I was upset at how happy the closeness of the beds made me, and crushed that Pipit didn't seem to share the same feelings as me.

The knight-in-training shook his head. "Please, Link, just stay here tonight! You're already here, I know you're tired, and it's a long trek back to the cave." His grip on my arm loosened. "Please, just stay tonight? I promise if you still feel unhappy in the morning, I'll stop bugging you."

I could feel stomach churn itself into knots with anxiety. Oh, how badly did I want to crawl into one of those beds. But knowing that Pipit would be right next to me, sleeping soundly, I doubt I'd actually get any sleep at all. "Ok." I finally said quietly, even though everything within my heart and mind fought against the reluctant agreement.

Pipit's mouth morphed into a smile, and I could see relief swarming within his beautiful ocean eyes. "Great!" He exclaimed. "I'm so glad, Link." Letting go of my arm, the knight-in-training strode back into the kitchen area, looking through cupboards that were stocked with fruits and vegetables. "Would you like something to eat? I'm not being a very good host; I should have asked you that the moment we got here."

My stomach growled in response, but I tried to quench the noise by wrapping my hands around my waist. "I think I'd rather just go to bed, if it's ok."

Pipit began to frown, but quickly covered the look of worry with one of understanding. "Alright, that's fine too!" He rushed back to the bedroom and reached under his bed, pulling out a long shirt as a prize. "Here," he said, tossing it to me before rummaging around for another one for himself, "you can use that to sleep in."

I gripped the cotton cloth tightly, trying to not think about the fact that I'd be wearing Pipit's clothes to sleep in. "Where should I change?" I asked, peering around the room.

Pipit stopped searching for a moment and looked up at me, his eyes curious. "You can just change right there. No one will be coming home at this time, and I won't look. We are both guys, anyways." The last sentence that he spoke made my heart pound mournfully, though I tried to not acknowledge that fact.

I waited a moment longer, looking around the room and wringing the cloth in my hands, before sighing and shuffling off my shirt. The room was warm, but I could feel goose-bumps race along my exposed skin. As I shimmied off the dirty old shirt and began crawling into the new one, I was suddenly very aware of Pipit's eyes on me. And with his eyes on me, I became suddenly very aware of my protruding ribs and thin stomach and the hollow growls that echoed within it. I let out an anxious grunt and quickly threw on the shirt. I could practically hear Pipit's mind working rapidly on what to say in order to convince me to eat. "It's not like I've never gone to bed hungry before," I mumbled, "right now, I'd really just like to sleep."

Pipit clucked his tongue in a motherly way. "Are you sure? I can just grab something for you."

I shook my head as I kicked off my pants, trying I hide my relief when I saw that Pipit's shirt fell down to my knees. "I swear, I'm fine." When Pipit's mouth opened to offer another idea, I held up my hand to stop him. "Please just...stop worrying about me?"

Pipit frowned for a second, worry causing his eyebrows to knit together. "...Are you sure?" His hand finally found a shirt under the bed, and he pulled it out and inspected it with dull interest.

I scoffed and refrained from rolling my eyes. "Yes, I'm sure."

The knight-in-training shuffled away from the beds, allowing me to squeeze by and sit on the bed that I had deemed his mother's. The bedding was old and frayed, but stitch work that resembled red roses danced across the blanket and sheets. I dared a peek at Pipit's bed. The sheets were crisp and tucked into the corners until they were pin straight, without a single crinkle or flaw. The blanket was lemon yellow, just like his tunic, and as Pipit began strolling about the room and blowing out the candles, the bedding almost seemed to glow in the dark. My eyes caught a sliver of movement at the head of the beds, and I glanced up to see Pipit removing his clothes and folding them nicely before placing them on the edge of his study desk. The boy had blown out all lanterns and candles expect for one, and the flickering light danced upon his exposed body. Lean muscle trapped underneath freckled, toned skin rippled taut as he threw the night shirt over his head and wiggled it down till the hem slithered against his thighs. When Pipit started undoing his pants and sliding them down his legs, I quickly ducked my head and crawled under the covers, ashamed of my obvious lack of socials skills and privacy. My face burned as though it was on fire, and I kept my head under the blankets until I was able to catch my breath and force my heart to slow its pace a tad. I heard Pipit let out a sharp breath, and the room was enveloped with darkness. The rustling of covers filled my ears, and when I reluctantly popped my head out from under the covers, the boy was laying in bed, staring up at the ceiling. When our eyes adjusted to the light, he glanced over at me and smiled a crooked smile. "Are you comfortable?"

I nestled myself into the bed a bit more, enjoying the warmth and security that the blankets gave me. "I think anything is more comfortable than the floor of that cave."

I could hear Pipit chuckle into the dark. "Sleep well, and I'll see you in the morning, bright and early for school."

Silence drifted into the room. I gripped the blankets tightly, holding my breath as I listened to Pipit sigh gently and ease into sleep. I chewed on my lip for a moment. "Thank you." I said quietly.

In the darkness of the room, I could see Pipit turn slightly so his head was tilted towards me. As he inspected me silently, I rolled onto my side so he couldn't read my facial expression and spoke up again, my voice unable to grow above a soft mumble. "You didn't have to do any of this, but you wanted to. Most people would have simply turned their heads and pretended that they didn't notice my problems, but you walked right into them, willingly. Your heart is genuine; when you graduate, you'll be a great knight. So...thank you."

Even with my back facing him, I could feel Pipit's eyes bore into me, and I could sense a mixture of surprise and pride flitting through his system. Before he could read too much into my words, I cleared my throat and curled up into a ball, a habit I developed to keep warm in the cave; survivor instincts are hard to kill. "Well, goodnight." I said with forced cheerfulness before throwing the blankets over my head once more.

I could tell from the way that the silence hung in the air that Pipit so wished to say something, to talk to my about my life, try to get me to open up about my past and why things were on the brink of falling apart for me. But, thankfully, the knight-in-training remained quiet, lost in his thoughts and allowing me to get lost in mine.

As night continued to fall upon us, it eventually brought the reward of sleep to Pipit, and after a few minutes, I could hear the boy’s breathing slow and grow deeper as he passed into the dream word.

The night wasn’t so kind to me, and I was forced to remain awake, listening to Pipit’s lullaby breathing but doomed to not find sleep. It was torture.

All my life, I’ve been reduced to a life of hermitage. In the beginning, I attempted to play nice and make friends, and I tried even harder to befriend workers within the Skyloft market so I could earn some money and maybe even find a place to stay. After one or two years of little to no success, I gave up, deciding that I didn’t need anyone, because no one needed me. I never talked to girls, and so I never had a chance to decide if I was attracted to them or not. I guess it was the same way for boys as well, really. But it didn’t matter if I didn’t talk to boys anyway, because boys weren’t meant to end up falling in love with boys in the long run, logically speaking. Everyone seemed to know this rule too; at the end of class, Groose and the other guys in the class would crowd around any girl that would offer the slightest bit of interest, and then they would proceed to act like complete idiots...flexing their muscles, spewing out poetry...it made me both jealous and sick. Jealous because I wish I had such invincible social skills like they did, and sick because I could honestly care less if a girl swooned over me the way they did with everyone else. And...that wasn’t a really good sign, was it? That I didn’t feel the same way about girls as everyone else did? I never tried to read too much into that fact; each time it arose, I merely stuffed the feeling down and added more on top of it so that it would have a harder time resurfacing.

And yet, when I could hear Pipit moan gently in his sleep as he rolled over to get more comfortable, when I could see flashes of his pale, freckled skin poke out from under the blanket, it...it sent my heart vibrating wildly in my chest, and made my breath hitch in my throat till I had to choke out a gasp for air. I tried covering my ears with my shaking hands to block out the sounds that caused my tired body to ache deeply, but I could still hear the gentle hum of the knight-in-training breathing beside me, out cold and oblivious to the turmoil that was happening in the bed just next to him. If he knew of the conflicted feelings that were running freely in my soul...what would he do?

The sun was just beginning to appear in the distance when sleep finally found me; all night my thoughts kept me awake, kept me tossing and turning, trying to get comfortable on the most comfortable bed I think I’ve ever slept on. Each time my eyelids grew heavy enough to close, Pipit would do something in his sleep that would normally be deemed completely ordinary, that would end up sending me into a fit of completely unordinary feelings and bodily reactions. And—like I knew it would— it didn’t help that I was wearing his clothes to bed. Whenever I moved, I’d catch his scent that remained trapped in the clothing, and it often left me aching for more, though my guilty conscious refused to do anything worse than sniffing at his shirt.

Light was pouring into the room when a hand shook me awake. I lurched out of bed, startled and disoriented, my eyes wide and searching for anything familiar that would give me comfort. When my blue orbs landed on Pipit’s smiling face as he stood over me, my breathing slowed, and I let out a shaky sigh. “Did I over sleep?” I asked, my voice fuzzy with sleep as I rubbed my face.

The knight-in-training nodded. “A bit, but that’s ok. I’ll bet you had the best sleep of your life.”

I ruffled my hair and scooted to the edge of the bed, giving my body a stretch. “I guess…somewhat.” I glanced around the room, watching Pipit as he moved away from the beds and continued getting ready for school. He was already in his Academy tunic, looking sharp and eager to take on the day. I looked down at my legs, still bare and unwashed. “Are we running late?”

Pipit paused from packing his bag with books for a moment and winced at me. “A little.” He said truthfully. When he saw my face fall with embarrassment, he quickly back-pedalled. “But you looked so peaceful, I couldn’t wake you!”

My heart skipped a beat, though I tried to not show any concern. ‘You were watching me sleep? Did I do anything embarrassing? Oh god, what if I did!’

I rose from the bed and allowed myself the privilege of having one last stretch before searching for my clothes. I bit my lip and frowned. Having no obvious house manners, I had taken off my dirty clothes and threw them on the floor, just ahead of my bed. But the ratty cloths were nowhere to be found. Instead, in the same location, was a pile of clean clothes. They were simple work clothes, a green cotton shirt and brown pants, but they were in flawless shape compared to what I owned. I threw a confused expression over to Pipit, who busily began packing his bag again. “I’m not trying to play dumb, but where are my clothes?”

The knight-in-training slowed his task once more and offered me a bashful smile. “I figured you might like a fresh pair of clothes for school, considering this is going to be the start of a new life for you, right? This is the day that we both dig deeper, remember?” When I didn’t say anything, he continued. “We aren’t running terribly behind schedule, so why not go take a quick bath and have some breakfast with me? We still have quite a bit of time before mother gets home, so we don’t have to worry about that.” He was trying to sound so calm, relaxed, and casual, but I could tell from the pensive stare and the way his fingers clutched his bag that Pipit was so hoping that I’d agree to his offer and remain his sick, hurt animal for him to heal.

I looked behind him at the door, wondering what chance I had at bolting out and never seeing Pipit again. ‘Probably not a very good one.’ I decided, and slowly gave a reluctant nod to the boy. “Alright.” I mumbled, grabbing the clothes at the end of my bed and skulking towards the bathroom to wash up.

Warm water is a wonderful thing. Clean clothes are even more amazing. Feeling genuinely clean and dirt-free for the first time in a while nearly trumped everything else.

But Pipit waiting in the kitchen for me with a warm breakfast and an enthusiastic smile beat every other feeling by a long shot, hands down. He had prepared fresh fruit, eggs, and oatmeal for the both of us, and behind him, I could see an extra bag filled with paper, pencils, books, and food for school resting against his own. It was such an overwhelmingly beautiful site, and I was surprised to feel tears suddenly line along my eyelids as my throat started to throb when a ball of emotion wedged itself in it. How could anyone be this nice to me? I quickly bit my lip to smother the gasp that was shuddering out, and wiped my eyes to prevent any other weak emotion to come slithering out, but by that time, Pipit had noticed my miniscule meltdown and was beginning to panic. “You don’t need to eat if you don’t want to!” He said hurriedly. “I just thought you might be hungry! I didn’t mean to make you upset, Link.”

I swallowed past the lump in my throat and continued rubbing my eyes to squeeze out any hidden tears. “No no,” I said in a quiet, quivering voice, “I’m not upset.”

I could hear Pipit walk up to me and feel the sudden weight of his hand on my shoulder. “What’s wrong?” He asked softly, his voice coaxing and reassuring. “Please, don’t cry.”

I stifled another hiccup and hesitantly removed my hands from my face, revealing tear-stained eyes. I gazed up at the knight-in-training, and I could tell that he wanted so badly to wipe my face dry with his fingers. I almost wanted him to. “Why are you so nice to me?” I asked, my voice barely able to make it above a whisper.

My question seemed to startle Pipit, and he took a moment to think about his answer. “Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, Link, and you weren’t given one. I....” The knight-in-training blushed, his cerulean eyes fluttering away from mine, “I decided that I wanted to be the one to give you that chance.” The boy slowly took his hand off of my shoulder, and he chuckled awkwardly. “I don’t know if that answers your question at all.”

I shook my head again. “No, it does, more than you know.” My heart was pounding viciously, my mind racing in circles at deadly speeds. I tentatively brought my hand up to Pipit’s face, thought against it, and let it flop back to my side, feeling torn by my lack of actions and my strong desire to want act them out. “I’ll find a way to pay you back for all of this, I promise.”

Pipit stared at the twitching fingers that dangled at my side, and the look on his face was one that I couldn’t quite discern. He almost appeared disappointed, but I couldn’t be certain. Before I got a chance to try to figure out such a strange facial expression, the boy plastered a smile to his face and gestured to the table. “Come,” he said, pulling out a chair for me, “we still have a couple minutes to inhale this food before we are officially late for school.”

As we hurriedly ate as much food as we could, Pipit would fill the silence by talking about his life before school, what made him want to become a knight, and what sort of knight he aspired to be. Every once in a while he would ask me a question or two, but I often had my mouth too full to answer them. I didn’t really want to answer them anyways. I was so transfixed by this boy sitting in front of me, no words were able to make it to my tongue. He was terribly addicting to watch. The way his eyes would light up when he was talking about something that excited him, and the way the corners of his mouth would tilt upward before he was about to tell me a funny story. With each story that burst from him, I found myself falling more and more under his spell. He didn’t know it, but Pipit was the most captivating person I had ever met.  

It wasn’t fair. I had only known this boy for a day, and already I was so completely and inexplicably in love with him. Part of it wasn’t by choice; I swear Pipit was doing all he could to make it happen. And I swear that he knew it was working, too.